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This area update July 23, 2006
| Posted July 31, 2005
Why did I create this page and address this topic? I recently received the first negative email about Buck since Buck has been featured or mentioned on this site, which has been roughly 7 months. As an interesting FYI: The Smitten Kitten of www.smittenkittenonline.com , a Lesbian Owned Adult Toy Store also advertises for him and supports him and his work, calling him and his work "pussy friendly". The T-Male and myself, Nick, the owner will not discriminate against porn star Buck Angel who markets himself associated with his films as a 'man with a pussy'. The first email from an anonymous Transman prompted me to write this section which has been planned for months. It was just the kick start I needed to get going on it.
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If you want to post this, please do withhold my personal information-name, email address.
End of his email name withheld
Nick's Reply with a follow-up addendum email:
Parentheses areas were added by Nick to include more information for the reader of this area but were not included in the original email
(Check out Buck's photo gallery from the show http://www.buckangel.com/gallery/maury/index.php Page 3 - I believe that is a Maury staff member. I spoke with 3 of the staff last Sept and was well received and accepted yet in the first show about Transmen, Maury said some things that made the men featured seem oddball in some ways. I promise you, no guy featured had any control over what aired and what fell to the cutting room floor to manipulate what aired seem more sensational - I was happy I declined being on the first program and was damn glad to see Buck and the 3 out of 4 other guys [discounting Rene's appearance] on the second program)
ADDENDUM: Nick's after thought to first email by visitor #1
(I am not trying to be right, I am trying to be fair)
I find this topic very interesting and am enjoying the exchange. I may not be a fan of Buck's type of porn but I say if it's safe, sane and consensual, he should be allowed to do as he wishes. I say go for it, Buck. It may not be my thing but who am I to judge or say what Nick should and should not post on his site considering it's not offensive in nature. J.T.A.
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Nick,
Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to respond to this person's email
about me and my work. Buck
First let me say this: I am not a representative of the FTM community! I never
have been. This is not what my work is about. I am sorry you feel that it is.
What you are saying is that anyone who does porn is representing their
particular community. I do not understand that kind of mentality. I am my own
person and I am very comfortable with myself and my sexuality. I have every
right to do as I please with my body. This is America isn't it? This is a free
country isn't it? What would it be like if we as people could not express
ourselves. What a very sad place this would be.
I believe that sex is a positive thing and that my body is beautiful and sexy.
Porn is a way for me to express who I am and what I like, AND it is also a
business enterprise. Just like anything else, if you do not like something you
do not have to watch it or be a part of it. I do not like porn that has people
who look underage, so I don't watch it. But they have the right in this
country to make that porn (when the performers are actually of age).
You said that you do not have a problem with me doing porn. Then what is the
problem with Nick putting my link up on his site? I do not understand this
comment. Also there are many FTM's and friends and lovers of FTM's who would
like to see my porn, and Nick is just giving them an avenue to find it. If you
are as porn positive as you say, then you would understand this and support
it.
As for Playboy I think Nick explained this already but let me go ahead and add
my two cents. Editing is something that can make or break a show. What they
shot of me, and how the show turned out once it was edited were two different
things. They took footage and edited it out of context. I have no control over
that. As far as being made fun of, well I really do not feel like I was being
made fun of. And the bottom line is: this is about ME, not YOU. So if I wasn't
offended then why are you? This is all part of educating people about me. Most
have never ever seen a guy like me let alone a Porn star like me. Man you
would have shit a brick if you were at the Adult show in Vegas last year when
I was signing my 8x10 photos at the booth. Guys were saying all kinds of crazy
stuff to me. But did I let it fuck with my head? No way. I am educating people
and I know what I am doing, and I am proud of who I am. I taught a lot of
people about FTMs and a kind of diversity they never knew about. They left
with changed attitudes and opened minds. I'm doing some good work out there,
let me tell you. And it isn't all easy or pleasant, but it is worthwhile.
I have no responsibility to anyone but myself. And I do feel that I am putting
out a positive image of who I am. You should read my fan mail from many FTMs
who have thanked me for being who I am. They tell me how I have positively
changed their lives.
As far as the phalloplasty surgery: I feel that I have a duty to let people
know that there are options. You can get the surgery if you want, but as far
as I am concerned it is not the deciding factor to being a man! The surgery,
IN MY OPINION, SUCKS. This is just my opinion. I am not telling people not to
get it or that if they do so they are stupid. Certainly it is too pricey for
many to afford, so it is good for guys to be able to feel comfortable with
themselves and enjoy their sex lives without having to have the surgery.
I have friends who have it and that works for them. Cool! But as far as
needing it to feel whole, that is totally bullshit. If you think that is a
satisfactory surgery then that is your opinion. I, however, do not, and will
say so when ever I get the chance. "Now, this promotes the assumption
that ftms all have pussies." I cannot help what people think and
if this is the case then you will have to go out and start telling the world
otherwise. Maybe it is time for the first FTM porn site and videos with a FTM
who has had phalloplasty surgery? Someone will have to step up to the plate to
do that one, right? It won't be me. Will it be you? If nobody educates people
about what's out there, how are they supposed to know???
I am not being ridiculed. People do not understand me. (Though usually once
they do, they accept me and appreciate having been educated.) When people do
not understand they act out, and that is just the way life is. You should be
thanking me not chastising me for putting myself out there in defense of
freedom of speech and expression. Without guys and girls like me in the
forefront of movements you would still be sitting somewhere trapped in that
female body wondering what it would be like to be a man!
Buck Angel
www.buckangel.com
Nick's input: it's not just about Buck but how Transmen express themselves sexually - many of the male stereotypes don't apply anymore
I have to agree with Buck that what he does is helpful to some Transmen, though I am paraphrasing him.
When I first logged into the internet and joined my first FTM email group, I went in cocky and assuming all Transmen were straight, loved woman and were repelled by vaginal penetration because men don't have pussies and don't enjoy the anatomy they have. Boy was I wrong and I sure got an eye full of emails from the group members. I was not liked for many of my narrow viewpoints.
For as long as I can remember, my body was always off limits - my job was to give countless women the best sex they ever had but do not touch!
Thankfully, testosterone changed my way of thinking and I allowed a woman to finally give me oral pleasure. I am still hesitant about penetration but my outlook on it has changed even more since I have been reviewing Buck's movies. I have a couple friends who are Transmen who are very conflicted about suddenly having the desire to explore this nether region saying to me, "But Nick, men don't have vagina's, how I can I justify wanting to enjoy something guys don't have?" I sent one home with a couple of Buck's DVD's and he came back feeling better about it.
Why deny oneself pleasure simply because a male born with a penis and balls doesn't have what they have? I have heard more than one guy tell me that if he had 'tit's or a 'pussy' he'd never leave the house.
The days of categorizing people based on what is or is not between their legs is simply not an option in these times. I am not saying that is what was written to date by any of the submitters so far, but it will be, someone will bring this up eventually and it's a good point to discuss. Because when Buck uses the term pussy it denotes female to many and how can Buck say he's a man and call his vagina a pussy then 'exploit' it. This all boils down to contradictions, the protest of and what people think of the contrary in sexual matters. "You can't call yourself a man then say you have a pussy." Oh?
If not having a penis and balls tells the world one isn't a man, then what becomes of men who have lost their genitalia to war, disease or accident? Do they become nothing - neither male nor female? What of the people born with ambiguous genitalia where a doctor urges the parents to surgically alter the child's genitals to what it 'looks' like they could be - only for that child to grow up and feel completely opposite of what some surgeon decided for them? Is how they express their sexual preference wrong based on how their genitals appear?
Cases in point: Cheryl Chase, executive director of www.ISNA.org - if I am recalling correctly from a video tape I have with her story on it, Cheryl was born intersexed with both degrees of male and female genitalia of male and female inwardly and out - her body was surgically altered in childhood to female but later discovered she was actually chromosomally male - her choice of gender was made for her. She also lost total sensation in her clitoris because of the surgery because they cut off the extra length she had..
Second case in point - Howard Devor. He is outwardly very masculine with a well muscled body, short cropped hair with a gentle masculine voice - no doubt male - however, he was born with ambiguous looking genitals called 'hypospadia'. In a program on Discovery, he states he is neither male nor female, but leans more toward feeling female and is happily partnered with someone like himself.
What does this have to do with Buck and his choice of expressing his sexuality by shunning genital reconstruction and utilizing what he was born with for sexual gratification? - everything.
If one must have a penis to be considered male and a vagina to be considered female then the people described could simply not exist or even matter - but they do, THEY DO, we do and one must improvise with what one has to have a healthy satisfying sex life and if a Transman wants to be penetrated vaginally and even do it in front of a camera, then call his genitals a pussy, he should be allowed to, and I am quoting writer #3, as long as it is safe, sane and consensual (my favorite 3 words when it comes to sex).
His wife, Kitty, who appears in his videos, actually says in one of his movies that she likes his cock and proceeds to give his natural penis a good blow job. Very erotic. Buck shaves completely so the length that he has is very apparent, which is a positive thing for us who have the same growth. Buck calls his small penis a cock not a female term that I can recall. This isn't just about Buck's use of the word 'pussy' when talking about his body. Buck wears a prosthetic penis and really gives his wife a good fuck for the camera. There are things in the films for just about everyone, many forms of masturbation scenes not just of Buck but of another Transman named Bear, male and female scenes, bondage and domination scenes, Transmale on male, role playing scenes - so again, it's not just about Buck's 'pussy'. It's only a word.
Everyone is different and we must work with what we have or be miserable people feeling only a surgeons knife will fix us and make us right. More often than not, the surgery doesn't bring the peace of mind when it comes to slicing up the genitals to form a penis especially a phalloplasty. It often invites countless problems and surgery after surgery after surgery to fix it as well as thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars most simply do not have. The average guy whose phalloplasty necrotizes and dies back cannot afford to have his penis rebuilt and there is sits with something that used to resemble a male penis and now everything is closed up and his clitoris buried deep and inaccessible to his partners mouth or his own fingers. Or he has so many problems with fistulas in his urethra he can't urinate standing up anymore without showering the walls - or he has strictures to where he's being operated on just so he can urinate.
Buck chooses not to have genital reconstruction. I chose not to because of my age and health issues. It's not a practical thing for me so I am learning to use what I have and enjoy sex with my partner, opening my mind to exploration I would never allow myself. Buck just so happens to do it on film and he's teaching the rest of us that utilizing what we have to enhance our sex lives isn't such a bad thing and how shunning the stereotypes of men only have this or that can be liberating.
I have a small penis thanks to testosterone - it gets hard, it makes me happy. I have found peace with what I have and viewing Buck's films helped me to relax more about not being ashamed of the fact that I don't have a large penis and that I don't have balls. Having a partner who will be comfortable with my anatomy will be a nice thing, I look forward to that day. But I am a man there is no mistaking that. The parts that bothered me the most, breasts and female reproductive organs are gone and I am happy. Buck's happy so what's the big deal?
I wish to make it clear that I fully support those who are going to have genital reconstruction be it a phalloplasty or a metoidioplasty. If I were healthier and a bit younger, I'd go with the centurion metoidioplasty in a heartbeat. Just chose your surgeons wisely and take good care of yourself - stay healthy and do what the surgeon asks of you post-op..
Nick
How would those Transmen who call their enlarged clitoris a penis, a dick, dicklet or a cock feel if a non-trans person protested saying "You were born female, you cannot call it a penis, dick or a cock because it's a female clitoris"
Wouldn't you beg to differ and tell them you can call it whatever you want because the female clitoris is made of the same erectile tissue as the male penis and reacts in kind with the exception of ejaculation or urination through the tip? (FYI: after a genital reconstruction, you can urinate through the tip, if you choose that surgery but you will never be able to ejaculate anything through the tip - you don't have the plumbing for it ...prostate gland, ect...)
Guess what, what Buck still has can technically be considered a pussy and the growth that a Transman has from HRT can be considered a penis, dick, cock or what have you.
Again, it's only a word. I know, some still think that because he markets his films stating a man with a pussy, it makes transmen look bad. Well, get over it. I used to feel TG butch and stone butch women made us look bad - but I later learned that my prejudice was built on not understanding them and once I took the time to get to know a few really butch women and a few TG Butch, I changed my way of thinking and the only people that had a problem with how they presented themselves, was ME. And it stemmed from my own insecurity. I now don't give a damn about how someone identifies or how they refer to a part of their body - that's their business and if it's for self promotion, such as Buck or Drag Kings, so? - life's too short to try to control others lives when just having a modicum amount of control over our own is often futile.
How someone sees and responds to us really is actually our own responsibility - even if someone has a misconception of Transmen and someone has seen Buck's film's, it's up to the next Transman they meet, who is out and not stealth, to make a different impression.
Nick
A Comment from an Intersexed Gay Man: My comment about the "controversy": "Don't blame the victim."
Hi Nick
& Buck,
I'm Jim Costich and I've been out to this site before
and e-mailed Buck a couple of times a year ago. I'm an intersexed,
gay man and am anatomically pretty close to FtM's who have had hormones but no
phalloplasty.
I have an interview in the August issue of Esquire
magazine - check it out. The interviewer made it sound like I'm bragging
about my sexual exploits and that I have sex with men only because I get
better orgasms but it's still not a bad piece. So far no one has accused
me of being a bad representation of "my community" (gay, and/or
intersexed) but I wouldn't be surprised!
My comment about the "controversy":
"Don't blame the victim." It's not Buck's fault that he was
mocked publicly by some idiot. There are always idiots mocking GLBTI
people - hence the need for GLAAD! (our community's anti-defamation
org.) It is internalized homophobia/heterosexism to say, "Those
drag queens, kings, tranny fags, limpwristers and bull dykes - whatever
- make us look bad." It's similar to the sexism that used to
blame sexy women for being inviting rape, or the "homosexual panic"
defense that is still permitted in some courts to justify killing gay men and
T-women.
It's up to all GLBTI people to condemn ANY and EVERY
slander, libel, or defamation of ANY and EVERY member of our community.
If someone maligns us it is a bad reflection on them. Not on us.
Respectfully,
Jim Costich
And, I don't mind being penetrated. (I choose to call my G-spot my Prostate spot...)
Hi Buck!
I was just checking out Nick's site and read the 'controversy' regarding your
doing porn as the "man with a pussy".
I happen to agree 100% with you and with Nick on how you choose to live your
life. Reason being, it seems that I wish to do the same with my body as
you have. Maybe less.
I'm a 'late-bloomer' due to my fears of society's opinions. But, when I
turned 50 last Nov. I couldn't avoid myself any longer and began the process
of becoming a ftm. Maybe. . .? I started taking 'T' in March, but
am considering quitting when I get the results I want. For me this
means, a more-muscular body, deep voice and small dick/large clit?
Oddly, I don't have any interest in genital surgery. And, I don't mind
being penetrated. (I choose to call my G-spot my Prostate spot. Both are
pretty-much in the same place, though one is reached vaginally and one is
reached anally.
Not sure I even want breast reconstruction. I don't hate my breasts,
though it would be VERY nice if I could go out in public without a
shirt. I'm in process of losing weight and at normal weight I'm barely a
B cup as it is and my breasts are dreadfully flat anyway. :-)
What has surprised me the most, is the ftm's I met at a gender-identity
support group. The ftm's kept insisting that after I was on the T for a
few months that I'd want to be a heterosexual male. I ended up telling
them not to pigeonhole me and that I will be what I choose or end up
being. Which at this time has no label. I've been calling myself
"Two-Spirited", since I am 1/4th Native American. I've
wondered if I'm intersexed, though there was/is no physical sign to indicate
such.
At this time I know that I like being addressed with typically male words such
as "Sir". Yet, I'm the one in my house who does all the
cooking, cleaning, sewing and such. My VERY feminine partner of 14 years
likes to build things. (She's currently building a huge chicken coop.)
:-) I take care of the motorcycles and cars; she pays the bills.
We freely move between male and female 'roles' and are quite happy about
it.
There are times I wonder if I would ever fit in anywhere, beings I want to be
a male and female.
Your site and responses to the ignorant are refreshing and made me feel more
okay about myself and my journey.
So, I support your desire to do the porn and I'm thinking I'll probably be
buying a membership in the near-future.
Thanks so much for being true-to-yourself and bless your wife for her total
acceptance of your journey.
Sincerely,
Shelly near Seattle, WA
Hi Nick,
Great post, Rob. I used to feel the same way about my body. Women really are more accepting of this than you realize. But I do understand your hesitance. The woman I am seeing is completely accepting and told me so for the 2 years before we actually met for the first time face to face. But I still felt the need to talk with her about things and make sure it wouldn't bother her. Needless to say, it doesn't.
In an interview if Buck in Bizarre Magazine ( a UK based magazine on news stands and online www.bizarremag.com ), when asked by the interviewer," How do women react to you?" Buck stated, " I never have a problem with women, they are very accepting of me and totally like me. Even gay men. But straight men? Forget it."
I completely agree - I have never had a problem with women - I have known since I was about 5 something was wrong and when I started dating in high school, I told my first girl friend what I wanted to do and that I was a man inside and I have proceeded to tell every woman since, with the exception of some one nighters where talking wasn't necessary. When I was in my 20's, before any changes, I dressed male and picked up strippers from local titty bars and had sex with them as a man. They knew I was physically female but they picked up on something with me that allowed me to screw them like a man and not be questioned and they didn't talk about themselves as being lesbian, though most of us know, most strippers are bi-sexual. I dated many straight women (or had just a sexual relationship with) and was told on more than one occasion they saw something in me that was not female.
My point is, how you project yourself to a woman is what matters, not just on the outside, but the inside. Women tune in on us and they pick up subtle nuances that we often don't know we are putting out there - so if you are insecure, they are going to hone in on it and buddy, a woman wants a confident guy; they find that very sexy and appealing. And I fully condone full disclosure about ones transition and birth sex, even if one feels they were born intersexed, tell them you how you feel and why. Aside from confidence, women dig an honest man.
Don't let life pass you by because of your insecurities; trust me, I did. I shut myself off from women because I felt no woman would accept my body as it is. Boy, was I wrong! I have been pursued by women since I created the website, and not lesbian women, straight and bi-sexual women. I was flattered by the attention but I have had a feeling there is that one woman out there for me and I'll know it when I find her.
Go for it, Rob. You sound like a decent guy - I believe we all have someone out there waiting for whatever winds to blow us together. You just have to put yourself out there so it can happen.
Maybe something as simple as submitting your photo and bio for my T-Men Gallery might bring someone your way -Think about it.
Nick
Kal
Hi Nick
Hey Nick and Buck,
First and most important, Nick, I am glad that you are starting to feel
better.
Ok, now to the topic at hand. All of my female life, I have
felt that something was wrong. Maybe this in itself is controversial,
but I didn't know since I was a child that I was a boy. I just knew
something was wrong. Then, I found an attraction to women and thought
that was it. Although, never repulsed by men, as some lesbians claim to
be. My sex life was always "off", I hated my body, and
therefore was not comfortable with sex. As I began to see myself and
realize that I'm meant to be a man, my comfort level is getting so much better
with my body, and of course my sex drive is crazy like everyone on
Testosterone.
When I first started transition, I thought that penetration
of any kind just HAD to be off limits, because men don't have vaginas.
Well, checking out Buck, and also since I'm just getting more comfortable with
myself...I'm beginning to realize that life is just way to short to limit
myself in how I have sex, and in what ways. I don't think that makes me
any less of a man, what is or isn't in my pants or happens behind closed doors
isn't up to or important to anyone but me and my partner. If it feels
right, I say go for it!
Shoot, I'm also finding that my attraction is changing to
include males and females. So, as my transition continues, and I am
becoming more and more comfortable with my body, and my place as a man in this
world. I do not feel this is my time to get hung up on little
things. I lived way to much of my life miserable, I refuse to keep those
hang ups now!
Just my thoughts on how I wish to live MY life, to those who feel
otherwise, all I have to say is...Live life in the way that makes you the
happiest, and never allow anyone to tell you or make you feel any differently.
So to Buck...Thank You for being you Man. Thanks for
leaving your mark, and being controversial. Please know that there are
people who respect you and what you do! If you're ever in Florida, I'd
love to meet you for a drink and conversation.
Tristan
 07-23-06
My absolutely favorite saying, which (I
believe) I made up to cover all contingencies, is "people of
gender" or "person of gender" or "gendered".Dear Buck and Nick...
My absolutely
favorite saying, which (I believe) I made up to cover all
contingencies, is "people of gender" or "person of gender"
or "gendered". Isn't that a great way of including
everyone! <really big smile>
I think the
gendered community which, of course, includes all Intersexed
people (Hello, Cheryl C) is just fabulous. I wouldn't want
it any other way.
Nick, I know
you are great...and I am glad you told me to check Buck
Angel out...he's really "way cool" too. <sounds just too
Valley, doesn't it?>
I am a person of
gender...just don't know which one. That is, I love all
genders and can feel both (even genderqueer)...so, that
makes me gendered in an odd sort of way.
...M...<who
never found a name for self>
______________________ Dear M. We have become great friends and am happy you decided to send this in. Nick |
Want to send your input in for posting? Send it to me!
I reserve the right to not post any email that is abusive or degrading toward Buck or myself. You can have a well put, intelligent opinion that does not agree with Buck or myself, such as the one I received, but all out attacks, name calling or demeaning letters will not be responded to nor posted. If a letter is threatening, the proper people will be contacted.
Proper people is defined as:
If the person sending threatening email uses a free mailer service such as Hotmail, Yahoo, ect...or even a re-mailer, supposedly untraceable (yeah, watch me) the DNS/IP number contained in their email header will be looked up on a program I have, which will lead me to the persons actual internet provider, such as AOL, Earthnet, Netzero or various DSL/Cable companies they are signed up with. I forward a copy of the email, send my complaint and violį! Instant retribution.
It's pretty simple. I recently turned in a person who was sending me email soliciting prescription drugs like Vicodin - you know those SPAM emails offering RX drugs online - I searched their DNS/IP number and found they were sending their SPAM through a server on a military base. The base commander got a copy of the email and all their header information. Funny, that person never sent me another drug solicitation email and I hadn't blocked their account. Go figure....
Nick
buckangel@thetransitionalmale.com
Well wishes for Buck and Elayne Angel after Hurricane Katrina
