Men's Room/Restroom Tips for Pre-Op FTM's.

Updated June 18, 2003

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Recently an pre-op, pre-T FTM was asked to use the women's room in a local pub in his town. Be sure you are seen as male the majority of the time before you attempt to use the men's room in a bar.
Just for the record for those thinking of transitioning or just starting, the chances of you being hurt or killed for what you are doing or for who you are multiply exponentially in the men's room in a bar or public men's restroom. Some feel violence is not possible or minimal in the men's room these days. That's not true and putting your head in the sand refusing to believe that men do victimize other men especially transmen in restrooms, well, you're playing with your safety and possibly your life. Don't be naive.
The chances are almost zero in the work place and in a male or female gay bar.

There are tips of mine below and tips of a group member and T-MALE visitor below mine. These will help you when your time comes to start using the men's room. The following tips could save you stress, your personal safety and possibly your life.

Nick & Friends


Public restrooms: You need to be careful. If you are not seen as male 100% of the time, pick the men's restroom carefully. Go in, survey the area. If there is a man using the urinal you can opt to not enter or enter and walk quickly to the stall, don't look at him, clear your throat in a deep manner and shut the door. Wait for him to leave before you urinate. If you cannot wait, see tip below.
Tip for any men's room: The female genital anatomy causes a wavering whistling sound to occur when urinating. It's due to the position of the urethra opening and the outer labia. You can wait for the bathroom to become empty or you can sit closer to the front edge of the seat and slowly allow the flow to hit the porcelain. That's often where the stream hits when men urinate while sitting on the toilet due to the position of the penis while it hangs down. It takes some finesse and control but it can be done. You can let lose once the room is empty.

Tip: men drop their trousers all the way to the floor around their feet. I know it's pretty gross down there the majority of the time, but that's what guys do when they sit to do their business.


Stand to Pee Devises or STPD's: You can use an STP devise in the stall but it is best to look as male as possible so when you leave the stall, you are not made. That could get you hurt.

If you are in the in-between awkward stage, you may not fit in with the women's room, either. Make a choice, get in, get out.
Bars: A bar is filled with drinking and drunk people. The men's room will have drunk men in it; almost always bigger and stronger than you. Drinking tends to make people especially men feel invincible and often makes people especially men, mean.
Don't get bold because you've had a few drinks and think you can walk into the men's room and have no problems when you are in the in-between stage. The chances of you getting an attitude when confronted because you have been drinking may end up with you bleeding on the floor or worse.

If all else fails, leave the bar and go outside behind a dumpster or drive to a local gas station.

If you are told to use the women's room in an establishment by the property/business owner, do it. If you feel you need to discuss the events of that day or evening further, do it the following day and call they owner yourself. Don't ask someone else to do your talking for you. The respect you are asking for will not occur if you do not stand up for yourself and discuss the situation calmly with the owner. Your job is to help them understand trans people as valid people whose money is as green as the next guys. if you allow someone else to do your talking, you're doing all of us a disservice. Because there is no doubt that any business out there will be patronized by trans-people over and over a again.

To be continued. Your tips welcome for this upcoming new page of the site.


Tips from a T-MALE visitor and FTM_College_Student email group member.

Here are some other things I've learned along the way:

Using the men's room at crowded venues (concerts, sporting events) can be safer because women often use the men's room at such events because of shorter lines. 

The more time you spend in the men's room, the more time people have a chance to look at you.  It sounds gross but if you don't pass 100% and other men are in the room, don't stick around to wash your hands.  I carry a tiny bottle of dissolving hand cleaner when going out in public.  Lots of men don't stop to wash their hands so it won't be noticed if you bypass the sink. 

Never seek to make eye-contact with a guy in the men's room.  Guys just don't do this and some guys will interpret it to mean that you are coming on to them.  In my experience, being read as a gay guy in a redneck men's room is almost as dangerous as being read as a Transguy.  Don't make eye contact and don't EVER look at a guy's dick while he's using the urinal. 

Just because you don't look at other guys' dicks while they are at the urinals doesn't mean you should try to use your STP at a urinal. Unless you are a sleight-of-hand master, use a stall.  A lot of guys are piss-shy so it isn't unusual for men to piss standing up in a stall.  Also, keep a good hold on your STP.  Dropping a medicine spoon in a men's room where other guys can see under the stalls is not a real good idea--and it is easy to do, particularly if you are nervous.  If you wear one, be mindful of your packer.  I can't imagine being the unlucky fucker who drops a rubber cock on the floor in a crowded men's room.**

If you don't pass really well and if the bathroom isn't safe (filled with a dozen drunk marines, for example), then suck it up and use the women's room.  I know it hurts your pride but having experienced both, I promise that it is better to have security called on you in the women's than to be thrown up against a wall (or worse) in the men's. 

If you are confronted in the men's room, just look confused/offended, back out of the room, and leave.  Don't say
anything to the guy(s).  A hostile men's restroom is not the place to explain that you are transitioning and feel yourself to really be male.  It is also not the place to get angry because nobody has the right to tell you where you can and cannot piss.  Save your righteousness and your ass for another day--get the hell out. 

Finally, if I know I am going to be in an environment where I might not be 100% safe in the bathroom, I do not drink.  You have a much better chance staying safe in a restroom with drunken men if you are sober. 

Anonymous submission

**Nick's Notes: The T-MALE Cock Sock & other packing holders were invented to solve this embarrassing often life changing experience. See the Gear Guy Gear  to find out more about these products.

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