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Before I get to the
simplified steps, let me preface this by writing that when I began and
others like me began, years ago, before computers and the plethora of
Transmen out now, information was so scarce, it was almost impossible to
know where to begin.
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STEP 1: Therapy – go to my site www.thetransitionalmale.com/Therapists -
Find a name on the list, call ands make an appointment. If there isn’t
someone in your city but close in another town or city near you, do it
anyway! If it means this much to you, you can drive a ways. Don’t start
DO NOT take the chicken shit way out and skip this step thinking you can
just move on to Step 2 on your own because you know everything - YOU
DON’T. You start cutting corners and using T on your own, it could lead to
your death and that is not an exaggeration.
There is nothing easy about this whole thing. You better be damn sure this
is what you want before you go any further because once you move to step 2
and changes happen from T, many are irreversible! (Have you ever heard a
female bodybuilder speak who swears she doesn’t or never has used
steroids? Her voice is a bit too deep and male like for anyone to buy into
that crap. T is a steroid, people)
You need to have the guts to
call and make your appointment, answer the question "What is it that you
need to be seen for?" or similar, and be able to answer, "Gender
Dysphoria" or "Gender Issues". This will not be the first time you have to
show your soft underbelly and open up about how you feel and say words you
only uttered under your breath, said in your head or confessed to a lover
in a moment of pure desperation to finally be seen as who you really are
in intimate moments.
You may only need a couple
months, you may need longer but you need it. Transitioning is a life
changing event; it will affect every aspect of your life and in some ways
you never dreamt of.
You may lose family - Don't say
"Never!", it happens every day
You will certainly lose gay
friends, if you are active in the lesbian community - Don't say "Never!",
it is almost a given
You could lose your job, you
could get harassed at school...the list is endless.
It takes a lot of guts to do
this and is not for the faint of heart. You will face challenges - not
possibly, you will!
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STEP 2: THRT – Testosterone Hormone Therapy. Get your letter. Chances are,
the therapist or psychiatrist you find and see from my list already has
the name of a doctor/Endo you can go see and will give you their name.
DO NOT take the chicken shit way out and skip seeing a doctor thinking you
know everything - YOU DON’T.
DON'T buy T off the internet, from gym dealers or from Mexico. You have no
idea what you’ll be getting and most of the time, it’s just vegetable oil
and impure to boot. You do not want an infection in a big muscle group. It
could kill you.
Plus, you have no idea how much to inject and how often and you damn sure
will not find out how on my site.
Testosterone is a class 3 controlled substance and it’s not a drug to fuck
around with. If you use too much of it and even the safest amount, your
Hematocrit and Hemoglobin levels will rise. This, in turn, causes your
blood to thicken and blood volume to increase.
Can you say STROKE?
And even if you don’t stroke out, high H&H levels can lead to Polycythemia
which if left undiagnosed can convert to LEUKEMIA.
This is why being under a doctors care is the right way to do this. Blood
tests will show any burgeoning problems and can be dealt with right then.
T is a safe drug when used properly and under supervision.
Hell, even at almost 17 years on it, I have to see my doc once a year or I
cannot get my refills.
Oh, one important this: changes from T take years. Years. And using more
doesn't mean faster - it just means risk and worse
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STEP 3: Surgery
That discussion is next...If you are just starting, it's not that
important, at this point.
If you are really interested in what it was like for us older guys "back
in the day" before home computers and the internet (granted, there was an
internet as far back as 1973 but it was military), here's a taste of what
it took for me.
Grab a beverage of choice, it’s
going got be a while – you have some reading to get through if you want to
know what it used to be like.
If it hadn’t been for, #1, a
20/20 program where they profiled Stan Biber (deceased) who performed sex
reassignment surgeries in Trinidad Colorado around 1990 then dating a
woman in early 1995 who knew a Transman, I would not have started when I
Not to mention that, after I stopped drinking aka "got sober" in
1992, it was either find a way for die (either commit suicide or
start drinking again; one in the same). My main reason for drinking was
because of gender issues and the hopelessness of thinking I would never be
able to transition (back then it was known as ‘have a sex change’) – Not
all people drink or feel hopeless. Now a days, transitioning is as easy
and logging onto the web for resources. Years ago, guys like me had little
to no resources and it took a lot of detective work.
How I started my journey? Let me remind anyone reading this – NO COMPUTERS
with tons of info right at my finger tips. Sure, there were home PC's but
the cost was out of range for most and the internet was a secret place
nowhere near what it is today or even 10 years ago.
First, I knew since childhood something was not right and wanted to have a
‘sex change’ when I was in jr. high. The desire just got more profound as
I entered high school and began dating a girl who was in band with me.
Everyone knew we were together and I was more like the guys than, you
All I ever heard about was the male to female tennis player Renee Richards
but nothing about a female changing to a male.
Not until 1984 when I saw a documentary called What Sex Am I and saw my
first FTM. I knew then it was possible but by then, I was too heavy into
drinking and just continued my destructive path – feeling sorry for myself
and acting out being a womanizer and a chauvinistic prick. I took my
hatred for by birth sex out on women by the ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’
attitude and cheating one my girlfriends because of my insecurity.
Then I stopped drinking in 1992 and then began my letter writing campaign
to find a way. Mind you, I didn’t start T until 1995 so, it was a long
time before I finally found where to start.
I have to reiterate – no internet – you guys reading this do not realize
how easy you really have it. All you have to do is type in a few keywords
on Google and it’s all there for you, neatly arranged by sites like mine
and guys like me who took the time to gather the information so you don’t
have to do what I had to or even ask another person where to start.
First letter, I remembered the 20/20 program and wrote to Dr. Biber.
Months later his wife wrote back saying she didn’t know of anything in
Oklahoma but maybe I could write to a place called IFGE, she thought might
be in Boston or somewhere in Massachusetts..
So, I wrote to IFGE, finally finding someone via directory assistance to
give me the address, asking them for help and could they tell me what I
needed to do to begin.
They wrote back, months later, sending me a brochure of cassette tapes for
doctors, one being Hormone Therapy for Female to Male Transsexuals.
I bought the tape and when it arrived I was scared shitless. I had no idea
if I took it to my doc if he would start me on hormones.
I dropped off the tape with a letter. It took him months to open it. He
had his staff send it back telling me he was unwilling to do this.
It’s now 1993 and I am still spinning my wheels.
I was perusing the Personals in the local Gay/Lesbian newspaper when I saw
an add for an FTM looking for a woman to date, ect…
I paid the $1 and sent it in with my letter to him telling him about
myself and asking how to I begin. He wrote back but he was so tight lipped
about who I could see (he was in the same city!), he just would not help
me. All he did was brag about his facial hair.
I gave up on him and wracked my brain for something, anything I could
remember to stop the limbo I was in.
I decided to write Dr. Biber’s wife telling her everything that had
happened. She did some poking around and came up with a name of a
therapist in my city who was known to treat Transsexuals.
I looked her up in the phone book, called her office and they told me she
I started calling listings in a local gay newspaper, attorney’s, Gay and
Lesbian out reach centers. If I was being told ‘no, I can’t help you’, ‘I
don’t know’, I was being hung up on.
It’s now 1994 and I made one last effort contacting IFGE again where they
wrote back, a couple months later telling me about The OU Health Sciences
Center where there was a psychiatrist named Krug.
I called and made an appointment, which was a 4 month wait. When I finally
went in to see him, he told me I had to take a battery of psychological
tests, IQ tests, you name it and it would be an all day thing. Eight hours
with two 10 minute breaks and a 30 minute lunch.
I set it up, calling my insurance carrier asking if it would be covered;
vbit was and when I went in for these tests, it was no joke – it was just
what he said it was. I took every test available at that time; MMPI and a
dozen others I cannot recall plus I had to arrange blocks in a geometrical
pattern, using a mirror no less, drawing myself as a male, interviews with
2 of his colleagues, where they asking my question after question, about
my childhood, my relationships…it went on and on. Then my mother was asked
to come in and be interviewed.
By the time I was done, I felt numb.
And by the way, they don’t do this anymore so, you guys reading this won’t
have to go through anything resembling what I was required to go through.
Months later, and it’s now 1995, the results came back, I was called to
He told me everything checked out, I was what and who I said I was (male)
and that the only thing that was a red flag was, I was a chauvinist and I
had better change my opinion of women.
He told me I was now approved for THRT – Testosterone Hormones Therapy. We
talked a little more then I did something he didn’t like. I was telling
him about something, I cannot recall now what it was, and knowing I had
made an error in either a time frame or event, not sure, I quickly said
“I’m sorry, I meant…”
His face went from friendly to anger in a flash. He yelled at me saying
“Men never apologize! You need to learn that!”
I was stunned.
I got up out of my chair, wanting to tell him to fuck off and I left. I
never went back even if it meant not starting T. I knew men apologized and
I grew up with 2 step fathers who were mean bullies who beat my mother,
who never apologized and I was not like them. I would not be the type of
man who would not apologize.
I wasn’t about to compromise my integrity just to start hormones.
I was, once again, spinning my wheels. There was no practicing therapist
in my city that I could see so I could get my letter to start T but had no
idea what doctor there was to go see.
Then I started dating Beverly in April 1995. Early in into our
relationship we were talking when I told her that she needed to know
something about me.
I told her, she told me it figured, she pretty much knew and told me she
knew a guy who began his transition 20 years earlier and that she could
put me in touch with him.
I was shocked and said Hell, yes!
She called his wife and a couple weeks later my phone rang and it was
He told me who his Endocrinologist was and that he didn’t require a
letter. (this is not the norm, for the most part – many do want a letter
from a therapists or psychiatrist sating the patient has been in therapy X
months and is ready to move on to Step 2: Hormone Therapy)
I made an appointment, you guessed it; it was months later before I could
On July 13, 1995 Beverly and I went to my appointment, me sitting
nervously in the office waiting room, waiting for my name to be called.
Shari came out, called my name and introduced herself. I asked if my
girlfriend could come in with me (she wanted to learn how to give me my
shots) told me sure and not to be nervous then took us to a room.
The doctor came in shortly after and sat and talked to me. That’s all we
did was talk. I didn’t realize he was interviewing me, getting a feel for
who I was.
I told him about the testing and he told me he “didn’t give a shit about
that and you never should have had to go through that”.
When we finished up, he got up and left the room and said Shari would be
in to talk to me.
I sat there wondering what on earth for? He said nothing about when I
could start, not a word.
A few minutes later in walked Shari with something in her hand. It was a
big ass syringe. The needle was like a railroad spike - a 1.5" 21 gauge
These are her words verbatim, “Okay Mister, drop your pants.”
They were starting me out on a 3 week regime of 'X' mg' (whoops, you guys
didn’t think I would discuss dosages – you know me better than that!)
Needless to say, it was a LOT of testosterone.
And that was when my life changed.
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